i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize