so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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