Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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