Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize