im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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