why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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