DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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