I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize