That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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