i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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