as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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