Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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