This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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