Whod you bang
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize