i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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