wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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