Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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