i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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