Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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