I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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