he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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