Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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