Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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