She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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