OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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