You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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