why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize