I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i will never coherently bang her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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