she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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