I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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