he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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