so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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