All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize