Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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