Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize