My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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