I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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