The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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