I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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