I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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