She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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