why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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