Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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