so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize