I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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