Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize