My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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