How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
4 words: hood of his car
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize