There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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