i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sarcasm needs its own font
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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